This is a heavy one folks!
Yesterday was the birthday of my sisters, Jennifer and Rachel. Momma and Daddy had the twins 35 years ago. Their lungs weren't fully developed when they were born, and since there was no such thing as a NICU or giraffe beds or steroid shots in 1974, they only lived for a few hours.
March 14 is really a hard day for my momma every year. A lot of times, I think she thinks no one remembers. We do remember though, we just all have a different way of dealing with it...and struggle with what to say.
My momma was 21 years old at the time the twins were born. That year would turn out to be very difficult for her because she also lost her father that August. When I turned 21 I remember thinking that I could not imagine having to go through such loss at such a young age as my momma did.
Not only was she so young, but the doctor did not allow her to see the babies so she has never really had the chance to have some sort of closure. Can you imagine going through this many years and wondering what the babies that you delivered looked like? Not even being allowed to hold them after they passed?
Growing up, I always wanted to have a sister. I have always longed for that close relationship that sisters have. And, I have always wondered how our lives would be different had Jennifer and Rachel survived...would they live here, would we be close, how many children would they have. I know momma must think about this alot!
Momma has always told me that I was her saving grace because she never thought she would be able to have a little girl since she had lost the twins. (Amy, kind of how you talk about Lily Baker) I can't say that I will ever really understand that since I have not been in momma shoes, but the older I get and after I had my kids, I was able to appreciate it.
I know that the Lord is good and he will one day reunite my momma with her sweet baby girls and she will be able to hold them for all eternity if she wants. And one day I will be able to meet the sisters I have always dreamed of.
Sisterbug.com is the place to be!!
14 years ago
6 comments:
Kera,
Wow - I never knew you had twin sisters. My heart just breaks for your mother. I can't imagine if I had not had the chance to hold Melissa. It's unbelievable to me how the medical profession treated infant deaths years ago. It's almost as if they pretended they didn't happen. A mother and father's life was just turned upside down and changed forever and they tried to act as it those babies never existed. I'm so grateful that has changed!
I know what you mean about the "what ifs" if they had lived. But aren't you glad to know that you will see them one day!
I will be praying for you and your mom. Thanks for sharing.
Amy
Kera, I am sitting here with tears in my eyes. I can only begin to imagine the pain that your mother must feel and the sense of loss you must feel without your sisters being here. I can only imagine what "would have been" if we did not have the NICU to save our babies. I am remembering you today and I pray for God to wrap His loving arms around your mother. Thanks for sharing Kera.
Wow...I had no idea. Thanks for opening up and sharing that. I nearly started crying reading that and just trying to imagine what your mom went through. I can't imagine carrying my babies through the pregnancy and then losing them...and not even getting to hold them or really say goodbye. Like Amy said, though, what a blessing that you know you will meet them one day and spend eternity with them. My thoughts will be with you and your mom. Your mom is so blessed to have you and your babies to bring joy to her life. :)
Bless your mother who in the quiet moments must ponder what her girls are doing in heaven right now, what they will look like when she sees them and how joyful those moments will be. I can't even imagine experiencing that the way your mother had to. Sometimes I think of Hope the baby we lost (at just 10 weeks of pregnancy) and wonder if my grandma is rocking her for me until I can get there. For some reason that thought has always comforted me. For so long I was mad a God because he had taken her from me and he was getting to hold her and rock her the way I was supposed to. Thank goodness for the peace he gave us and the gift we received in Gracie. Without Gracie I don't know where I would be in the healing process. Thank you for sharing your story. I will be thinking of your family this week.
Kera,
Your mother was so sweet to share her story with me not long after we found out we were expecting Ellie Kate. I, too, had no idea she had such a loss, but she began to tell me about losing the girls and then about the great blessing of your birth! She was an inspiration to me at a time when I really needed to hear stories of triumph after tragedy.
My mother also lost two babies before me and unfortunately had the same experience with the medical field. She never got to hold her son or daughter who were born at 28 weeks and lived 16-18 hours. It was a battle she fought for so many years. Ironically, the Lord allowed her to hold our precious Olivia after she passed. As tragic as it was, and as much as she never wanted me to experience the same loss, she was able to have some closure of her own by holding and caring for Olivia for that short time. The Lord is all knowing and all caring. Sometimes it is impossible to imagine our lives without God's comfort. Thank goodness for him and for strong women like our mothers and so many others we know who have endured this battle with grace and trust in God!
Very touching Kera, Im at a loss for words..... Thanks for sharing!
~Jennifer
Post a Comment